BUBBA AND THE HOLY SNAIL

The day was bright as Bubba flew,
No cares upon his mind.
His only thought was adventure-
Whatever he may find.

His eyes were sharp, his ears perked,
And all his senses keen
As there above he scanned the Earth
And all the lands so green.

The sound of battle filled his ears,
A smile crossed his face.
He turned as from his tiny lungs
A hamster war-cry raced.

Gleefully he headed toward
The sound of sword and blade,
Then paused in flight to wonder at
The skirmish he surveyed.

The scene that he beheld was weird,
Even by Wyewood terms,
As a small clan of crows clashed with
A mighty band of worms.

A single roar from Bubba scattered
Crows like they were flies.
Those that looked were horror-struck
By Bubba's flaming eyes.

And when the glade was clear of birds
The hamster turned again
Upon those strangely garbed worms
Of unknown origin.

Over mail of chain each wore
A tabard, white and gold
Emblazoned upon which was a
Red spiral, bright and bold.

The leader worm began to speak
And then Bubba could tell
That these weren't normal worms at all
But snails without a shell.

In a sluggish voice the snail said,
"Thank you for your aid!
My noble sir would you consider
Joining our crusade?"

"Humble snails are we, dear sir,
Who've left our shells behind,
For in this vow of poverty
More treasure shall we find!"

"You see, the human's Lord hung high,
His blood caught by a grail.
A single drop splashed out and landed
On a passing snail."

"The heavens parted, angels sang,
Then came the hand of God
Descending from a cloud to bless
This lowly gastropod!"

"He traveled far and wide, this snail,
To teach the ways of love,
Ascending one fine morning into
Heaven up above."

"Nothing did he leave us here
Except his shell divine.
And that was stolen by a crow -
A heathen! For its shine!"

"So now you know what guides our quest
And leads us down these trails --
We seek the Relic of the One:
The Holy Snail of Snails!"

Beneath the hamster's smiling lips
There rose a purring sound.
He had sought adventure.
Now adventure he had found!

Joining forces, off they went.
Their progress was not slow,
With Bubba flying overhead -
Crusaders down below.

It wasn't long when Bubba saw
A strange, unearthly gleam
Reflecting from the bottom of
A bubbling woodland stream.

So there he rallied all the troops
And told them what he'd seen,
Then said that he'd investigate
To find what it might mean.

With that he dove into the brook
And headed for the light,
Just like a great and fuzzy bird
In his aquatic flight.

Once the bottom he had reached
His face lit with a grin
For there before him lay a shell
A-glowing from within.

At once he knew that this must be
The relic that he sought,
Where ancient beak of crow had dropped
And woodland stream had brought.

And so cautiously he reached out
And took the shell in paw,
Then turned to swim back up again
But balked at what he saw!

Overhead on shore some crows
Attacked the knighted snails!
Bubba's blood boiled in his veins!
He clenched his tiny nails.

The hamster in a might rush
Erupted from the stream!
Again the crows were scattered by
The sound of Bubba's scream!

But one crow, braver than the rest -
Or maybe more insane -
Saw what the hamster held in hand:
A bauble he must gain!

He spun around mid-flight and snatched
The magic, glowing shell.
Since Bubba loosened not his grip
He picked him up as well!

Into the sky, the pair, they flew -
A furry, feathered mass.
And thus through many moments did
This nasty brawling pass.

Neither one relinquished hold
Upon that precious shell,
'Til suddenly it heated up,
They dropped it and it fell!

The snails below watched in dismay
Afraid it would be smashed.
But then the sound of thunder boomed!
A bolt of lightening flashed!

The shell's decent abruptly ceased,
Then from its lucent curve
Emerged the head and antennae
Of Him whom all snails serve.

The crow remembered it could fly
And sped away post-haste.
The snails lay prostrate on the ground.
Bubba remained in place.

Love divine did glimmer in
That snail's antennaed eyes.
Then in a soft, angelic voice
He bid them all, "Arise!"

"Rewards are great for those whose faith
Does lead them long and well,
Thus for your trust your descendants
Will never need a shell."

"Now know ye well that I abide
In every one of you!
To help all to remember this
I'll tell you what I'll do!

"Upon you and your children
A fine blessing I bestow:
The silver essence of my shell
Shall follow where you go!"

"So when you see this sign you know
The answer to your prayer -
You needn't search for me at all
For I'm already there!"

He beamed a final smile at
The hamster and the snails
Then with a wink he vanished
As he bid them 'happy trails'.

That day they build a chapel there
And put their swords away.
Their people spread across An Tir
And live here to this day.

And still if followed far enough
A slug's long silver trail
Will lead you to that secret place:
The Chapel of the Snail!

As for Bubba, he returned
Back to the Wyewood sky
Prepared to answer once again
A new adventure's cry.

CATCH A FLYING HAMSTER

(to the tune of "Catch a Falling Star")

Catch a flying hamster, feed it from your hand
Give shelter on a rainy day.
Catch a flying hamster, feed it from your hand
And it will never fly away.

And it will come to sit upon your shoulder,
And be your friend.
And as it grows to be a little older,
It will protect you to the end.

---

HAMSTER EYES

(to the tune of "Edelweiss")

Hamster eyes, hamster eyes
Look at me without blinking
Soft and round, not a sound
Tell me what your are thinking
Furry gold hamster with bat-like wings
Bat-like wings for flying
Hamster eyes, hamster eyes
Into you I am sinking

---

BUBBA OF THE ROUND

Strong were men and sharp were wits
When Arthur was the King of Brits;
And so the stories still abound
Of Merlin and the Knights of Round.

But one tale fails to e'er be told
So if I may to be so bold
As here to speak what lips won't tell
But those that in fair Wyewood dwell.

It all began late in the day
As Merlin walked amidst the hay
Of Camelot's abundant fields -
The bounty that a peace-time yields.

He mused about some wizard prose
When suddenly within his nose
Some pollen there began attacks
Which stopped the wizard in his tracks.

Nearly falling to his knees
He could not hold so grand a sneeze
And there was nothing he could do
But issue forth a great KA-CHOO!

Now with magic ones wise and old
Dangers arise with every cold,
For every cough, or belch, or wheeze,
Can freeze the skies or burn the seas.

So with a sigh - relief was sweet -
The Earth was still beneath his feet!
But when his eyes he opened round
Sitting there upon the ground
A golden hamster silent glared
Through eyes of pitch with long teeth bared
And outspread wings as black as night
Were threatening a hellish flight.

An impish glint lit Merlin's eye,
"Oh Beast! With you I'd love to fly!
But no," replied the wise old sage,
"You must return to your own age".

His lips invoked an ancient spell.
His fingers rose, his fingers fell.
But just before the magic caught
A cry rang out from Camelot!

"I forgot again", he murmured, "Blast!
These mortals' future is my past.
Events for me are dead and done
Which now for them have just begun!"

He turned and to the hamster spoke,
But not in voice of common folk
And then the hamster's glaring ceased
For Merlin spoke the tongue of beasts.

They took off like a lightening crack
With Merlin on the hamsters back
And arrow-like, the pair they flew,
Until the castle was in view.

Nearby they came to Earth again
Then joined the gaze of Arthur's men
Where on a tower's spire high
A massive dragon filled the sky
Who, long of teeth and sharp of nails,
Held Guinevere amongst his scales.

"Oh Merlin!" Arthur turned toward him,
"We're helpless at this dragon's whim!
How are we to turn the tide,
When nothing pierces dragon hide?"

"Arthur," Merlin softly purred,
"Recall you not a single word
Of all I taught on peace and war?
Of life and all and dragon lore?"

The King, now student, deeply thought.
A lesson past to mind he brought.

"Oh yes!" cried Arthur, "there's the skin
Much softer 'neath the dragon's chin!
It's still to tough for archer's bow -
A sword must make the final blow!"

He looked up at the dragon rank
And once again his spirits sank.
For even if the distance closed
His target remained unexposed.
He'd gladly give his royal coat
To simply reach that serpents throat!

Nearby the hamster sat in place
Observing close the monarch's face
And though the words did not get through
Quite clear he knew what he would do.

And so without a second thought
He took wing over Camelot.
And through sulfuric acrid breath
He flew toward hell and jaws of death!

Now Merlin read the hamster's mind,
A smile on his lips inclined.

"Unsheathe Excaliber my king
For dragon's blood it will make sing!
And cast it forth with all your might -
My magic shall ensure its flight!"

So Arthur did as he was told
And flung the sword of legends old.
On unseen wings of light it flew,
It's path made straight, and clear and true
Lit golden red by sunset's light,
Led on its way by hamster flight.

The hamster then began to race
About the dragon's bearded face,
And round the horns and neck, and mane.
The worm's patience began to wane.

A puff of flame would surely bring
An end to this small pesky thing!
And so to burn our hamster dead,
The dragon raised its monstrous head.

Before he could unleash his flame
A spasm shook the dragon's frame
As on the ramparts his blood spilt,
Excaliber sank to its hilt.

The dragon voiced a final roar
Before his heart would beat no more,
Then rising to his awesome girth
The dragon fell, quite dead, to Earth.
On impact rose so dark a cloud
The dragon's form it did enshroud.

Witnessing the flame and smoke
No single tongue the silence broke
For every man held fast his cheer -
None knew the fate of Guinevere.

As time stretched on, the night grew dark
Extinguishing hope's final spark
When suddenly a sound they heard
Like flapping of a mighty bird,
Then through a parting in the flame
Out of the cloud a figure came;
The hamster of the golden sheen
Who bore in paw their Lady Queen!

Unbounded joy erupted high
As countless voices filled the sky
And shook the Earth and lit the night
For King and Queen who reunite!

Although the crowd around had grown
With hearts rejoined they seemed alone
And thus some time was theirs to share
Until their lips could no more bear.

Then holding still his Lady's hand
The King looked at the hamster grand,
"My noble beast, I'm in your debt!
A braver soul I have not met!
And for this battle you have fought -
Arise Sir Knight of Camelot!"

The crowd let loose a rousing cheer
Then with a kiss from Guinevere
The hamster joined his wizard friend
Who, nodding, cast a spell to send
Him flying back to his own lair,
Back home again to Wyewood fair.

So now you've heard the story true
But what might not occur to you
Is why among the nobles there
Sat always free, an empty chair.
Reserved, it was the hamster's seat
To make the table round complete.

BUBBA HOOD

The Wyewood lands were safe once more, 'neath Bubba's watchful eye
So toward another fair, green wood He set his wings to fly.
A friend he knew to live amid the greenwood trees and thorn
Whom he'd met on his way home from where he had been born.

Their paths did part but where they led, His friend had found his fame.
Thief or hero, he was known As Robin Hood by name.
Bubba waxed nostalgic as the land passed far below
And so his ears did not pick up the twanging of a bow.

From the tree top greenery an arrow bursting sped.
Bubba spun to miss it but It grazed him 'cross the head.
Unconscious now our Bubba dear fell plummeting toward Earth,
Never more to feel the joy of bounding hamster mirth.

But other eyes had seen this act and rising to the call
Swung nimbly to a mossy branch and broke the hamster's fall.
Then the shadowed figure faded back from whence it came,
Depriving some young archer of the bounty of his game.

This the arrow's owner saw with hatred in his eyes,
And swore revenge upon this man who stole from him his prize.
Bubba regained consciousness within a bower green
And there above him stood his friend so strong, and tall and lean.

"Bubba friend!" Laughed Robin Hood, "It's grand of you to call!
Your wings I thought for flying were, I've never seen you fall!"
"Come now lad", said Robin taking Bubba by the hand,
"You look to need some food and drink, we'll join my merry band!"

Off they went and presently they came upon a glen
Where all around, in shades of green, stood Robin's stalwart men.

But for a merry troupe there was no laughter in the air,
And instantly good Robin knew that someone was not there.

"Little John, where's Marion?" Johnreplied, "that cur
The Sheriff, like a banshee came and road away with her!"

"We could not shoot our bows because he used her as a shield.
He said that if you want her back, the rodent you must yield!"

The two looked at each other then, the hamster and the hood.
Then as one accord they broke and raced into the wood.

Up ahead the Sherriff rode, a sneer upon his face,
For all his plans of many years were falling into place.
This woman who clung to him now for sake of life and limb,
He had no doubt once swayed would make a loving wife for him.

Then the outlaw Robin Hood - that thorn within his side!
He'd string him up, and quarter him, and burn his worthless hide!
And from the rodent's golden fur he'd craft a nifty hat,
And offer it to the good Prince John to mend a recent spat.

And thus he galloped on, these plans a playing in his mind
Knowing well that Robin Hood would not be far behind.
When Robin came at last to where The Sherriff's manor stood,
He waited not before he boldly stepped out of the wood!

In a turret window high he spied his ladylove
And wished to God he had the wings to fly there like a dove.
"Come Lord Sherriff! You and I, we have a deal to make!
Release the maiden Marion! The beast is yours to take!"

With that dear Robin laid a golden bundle at the gate.
The Sherriff smiled with glee to see the hamster's mournful fate.
"Come good sir, your lady waits", the Sherriff calling said.
Then 'neath his breath he muttered, "One More step and you are dead!"

"It's a trap!" Cried Marion. Her warning came too late.
The Sherriff's men grabbed Robin as he passed within the gate.
Jolly Robin laughed at this. "My lord, thank you indeed!
But I can see my lady plain. An escort I do not need!"

"Take him to the tower now to bid his love farewell.
For soon, through all eternity, His soul will burn in hell!"
Marion rushed to him when they pushed him through the door.
She softly wept, their fates assured, Her heart already sore.

Robin hushed her with a kiss. She knew that boyish gleam.
She should have known her Robin would not come without some scheme.
"Trust me love", he whispered low. She nodded, "At thy will".
He picked her up and with a shout, Leapt from the windowsill.

"Now my friend! I aim to live to make this maid my wife!"
The golden bundle at the gate sprang suddenly to life.
Wings spread wide and head tucked low the hamster took to flight.
He plucked the couple from the air then on the ground did light.

The Sherriff went into a rage and shouted, "Kill them all!"
Before his men could move an inch they heard a lone horn's call.
All within the wood stood still when Robin's horn did blow.
One hundred men stepped from the trees, Each one with bended bow.

Jolly Robin laughed once more and reverenced his host.
"It seems, good Sherriff, I have won, Though I'm not one to boast".
"I thank you for the game but by your leave I shall depart.
I think it best to end this with No arrow through your heart".

Robin knelt beside his friend and stroked his golden fur.
Bubba smiling up at him began to softly purr.
Then Robin stood, Lord of the Wood, and raised a single hand.
When silence fell upon them he addressed his merry band.

"This is not the first time I've been saved by this fine beast.
Let us return to camp and there reward him with a feast!"
And feast they did, and revelled long within their hidden glen,
So 'twas a rounder hamster who flew slowly home again.

GOLD HAMSTERS IN THE SKY

(to the tune of "Ghost Riders in the Sky")

An old Templar went riding out one dark and windy day.
Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way.
When all at once a mighty herd of gold hamsters he saw
Flying through the ragged skies and up a cloudy draw.

Their teeth were white and shiny and their claws were made of steel.
Their wings were black and leathery, their hot breath he could feel.
A bolt of fear went through him as he felt each wing beat fall
For he saw the one behind the herd - the Father of them all!

Wyewood - wye-yay! Wyewood - wye-yo!
Gold hamsters in the sky!

His eyes were red, his claws were sharp, his wings were broad and strong.
His fur was gold-spun starlight and his teeth were sleek and long.
He flies forever onward with his children on the wing,
Protecting all of Wyewood lands from every evil thing.

Wyewood - wye-yay! Wyewood - wye-yo!
Gold hamsters in the sky!

As the hamster flew on by him, he saw it look his way.
If you want to stay alive, Sir Knight, then this is what I say:
Your chivalry and honor will help to keep you whole,
Or else in Wyewood shire, Sir, the hamsters eat your soul!

Wyewood - wye-yay! Wyewood - wye-yo!

Gold hamsters in the sky! Gold hamsters in the sky! Gold hamsters in the sky!...

THOR'S MIGHTY HAMSTER

There was a time, the gods were young,
Their songs of glory not yet sung,
When not much more than trolls and elves
They split the world between themselves.

And each one claimed what he could bear -
A god of sea, a god of air -
With each equipped for what he swore.
All, that is, but mighty Thor.

"The strongest of the gods I be!"
Cried Thor whose roar shook every tree,
"So falls to me our lands' defense
Against the giants' worst intents!
To help me carry out this deed,
A mighty hammer's what I need!"

At this same time three more were born,
The lady Fates known as the Norn,
Who sat about their magic well
Where past, present and future fell
Across the water's crystal glow-
There was nothing they didn't know.

And so it was, Skulda the Norn,
Who knows of those yet to be born,
Heard nigh the words uttered by Thor
On whom a loving crush she bore.

It was this love she sought to quell
By reaching deep within the well
And thus her hand through time it flew
Until fair Wyewood came to view.

Now know ye well she was newborn,
Her ears not cleared from her first morn.
So when she came to Thor at last
He looked at her quite flabbergast.

"Dear Thor I answer here your call:
The greatest hamster of them all!"

And there in Skulda's open hands
Our mighty hamster, Bubba, Stands
To look the god square in the eye -
A look that would make others die!

As these three stood thus still engaged
Another burst upon the stage,
For secretly, nearby, watching
Had been great Thrym, the Giant King,
Who just that day had lost his pet
And so became quickly upset
To think that Thor had such a beast -
He did not like it in the least!

He rushed upon them unaware
And, catching Thor up by the hair,
He turned to clutch the hamster male
To find it was to no avail.

Spreading wing, the hamster sped
Around about the giant's head
Then, diving for a final pass,
He bit the giant in the elbow.

In pain the giant screamed and fell
Releasing god and Norn as well.
Then Thor took up great Thrym in hand
And cast him back to giant land.
Then gazing at Bubba he spoke,
The thunder god's voice reawoke:

"Oh beast of gold, mighty of wing!
In honor of your strength I sing!
The giants - we could slay them all
If you could stay in Asgard's Hall!
But nay, you do belong not here.
Back home you need to reappear!
But know: if ever you've returned,
A place amongst the gods you've earned!"

With that Thor turned and took his leave
While Bubba rode on Skulda's sleeve
Returning to the magic pool
And slipping 'neath the waters cool,
She set him in a Wyewood glen
And so came Bubba home again.

BUBBA'S TAIL

In parchments torn and memories old
Lie tales of knights and heroes bold,
Of treasures deep in dragon hordes,
Of battles great with flashing swords,
But none so strange as those now told
Of one with wings, and fur of gold;
Who from the lands of heathen sway
Makes home in Wyewood to this day.

So hearken ye with ears to hear
Lest timid hearts be turned toward fear,
For though 'tis not without its sins,
It is with love our tale begins...

No truer love could surer be
Than beat within that hamster she,
Who in each evening quiet sat,
Her company a noble bat.
Amid the elderberry vine
They consummated love divine;
Where life passed on its blessed cup
For soon 'twas born a furry pup.
Of hamster build his form was true,
Yet with two wings of darkened hue.

And though should end our story well,
Our Lord decreed there's more to tell.
For good Sir Richard, king to thee,
He sent to sail across the sea,
To wrest from hands of Saracen
The lands once walked by holy men.

Now, though the cause divine and true,
War has its debt and calls it due,
For when heralds the battle horn
Many are the orphans born.
And so it was this family three -
One left alive and he, barely;
Caught in the midst of horse and mail
That swept across their tiny dale.
And there beneath the battle cry
The tiny hamster silent lie.

And so our tale could once more end
If not for one, another friend.
For soon the din of war had passed,
Crusaders stood victors at last,
Then walking back across the sand
Came Gordon Redthorn, squire of Brand.

He stopped and knelt for he had seen
A fluttering amongst the green
And reaching in to vine and grass,
Pulled forth the hamster with a gasp!
Relieved that he was not yet dead,
He swore an oath: "By Richard's head,
The cost of war has been too high!
I shall not let another die!"

And so the babe he gathered in,
And stroked the hamster 'neath the chin.
So From that day he nursed him well
Through desert heat and ocean swell;
And kept him safe for journey's home
To fair green Wyewood's leafy dome.