THE HAMSTER RAID OF WYEWOOD

The story long has been retold
Of Cuchulain, the bravely bold --
The greatest son of Eire's womb
Who single-handed spelled the doom
Of countless troops at Maeve's comand;
The queen who issued this command:

"Bring me back the Cooley Bull
And thus top off my coffers full
To equal his, my husband king.
The braggart is so tiring!"


And so to settle up the score
She sent her army off to war
And, though the strife Cuchulain won,
The bull was dead when it was done.


And that's where most bards silent fall,
Believing they have told it all.
But Wyewood, many secrets guards
For those who are alone her bards.


So listen here where I begin
With Maeve upon her throne again
When seven years had quickly passed
And Cuchulain had breathed his last.


She plots against her husband's wealth
And utilizing every stealth
To gain and keep the upper hand --
To be the richest in the land.


She called her druid to her side:
"I know that somewhere there must hide
A treasure safe from mortal eyes
Which could be my greatest prize
To put me up over the top --
The king's jealousy'd never stop!"


The nodding druid understood,
Withdrawing to a sacred wood
And sitting there beneath a tree
He shook a branch most rhythmically.


Upon the stick the silver bells
Rattled til his trance full swells,
Then where the druids chants had rung
The shrill cry of a hawk was sung.
He spread his wings for shaman's flight
to seek with otherworldly sight.


Long through other times he sought
But no avail his efforts brought,
Until toward home he turned to fly
and spotted something in the sky.


At first it seemed a bat in flight...
But wait! It was still broad daylight!
This was the prize that must be seized!
He knew his queen would well be pleased!


For Bubba 'twas a lovely morn.
He flew o'er fields (but not of corn,
For if they were, my name'd be mud,
For that would not be period!).


He squeaked a little hamster tune,
But it was cut short way too soon
When suddenly out of the sun
Razor talons flashed and spun.
Before he knew what struck him nigh,
Bubba was far from Wyewood's sky.


This scene did not go unobserved.
A nearby raven flew unnerved
To land upon a shoulder bare.
"I know my friend. Do not despair."
Her voice, the raven's temper soothed.
Her fingers, ruffled feathers smoothed.
"I knew their plans would come to pass,
But on my realm they now trespass,
For I count every mortals breath.
I guard the gates of life and death.
And none shall from his time be torn
To die before he has been born!"

She reassures the bird again,
And then with that, dark Morrigan
Fades away from sight once more
Just like the hamster had before.

With Bubba chained for Queen Maeve's glee
The Morrigan went to a sidhe,
And entered there the Earthen mound
Where faery folk had set the bound
Between this world and Tir Na Nog,
Where all divine dead heroes go.

She found him there, great Cuchulain
Who standing 'gainst one hundred men,
He played an ancient game of ball
And by himself he beat them all.

He snarled when he saw her there,
But she diffused his anger's flare:
"I know that once my love you spurned
And wonder why I have returned.
Let differences to rest be laid
For someone is in need of aid!
Maeve again is at her tricks
And if you were to join the mix
You'd save one from a horrid fate
And shame the queen at any rate!"

Cuchulain listened silently,
His manners softened visibly,
"Who is this one my help doth need
imprisoned by the wench's greed?"

She told him of a future land
Called Wyewood and their hamster grand
Who, great of heart and strong of wings,
Protected all from evil things.
He saw to set this rodent free
He'd help them exponentially --
All those people yet unborn
Saved to wake another morn
By this warrior hamster's grace --
Returned he must be to his place!

Then Morrigan had this to say:
"I can give you one more day
Of life on Eire's green expanse.
You are the hamster's only chance.
But once the sun has set, do know,
It's back for you to Tir Na Nog!"

The day dawned bright on Connaght's shores,
Maeve's kingdom where many sores
Were nursed with bruises black and blue --
The damage that can't help ensue
When ignorance incurs his wrath,
And Bubba's blood's a boiling bath!

The previous day had seen the fight
Which kept Maeve's men up through the night.
The din was heard in every town
With twenty men to hold him down
And then at least a dozen more
To tether Bubba to the floor.
Even then the leather straps
Just could not keep him under wraps.
He chewed them through like they were bread
And forced them to use chains instead.

Now they'd rest, or so they thought,
When from the border of Connaght
A sudden cry of challenge boomed,
A voice they had believed entombed!.

"You killed me once -- Come try again!
Send me out your best champion!
The Rodent's fate we shall decide!
From her shame, Maeve will not hide!"

Collective was the groan that shot
Around the kingdom of Connaght --
All the hamster-weary men
Had not the strength to fight again.

Generous were the rewards
That Maeve offered to all her hordes
But none were found amongst her host
Who wished to battle 'gainst a ghost.

Afraid to lose her precious prize,
Desperation filled Maeve's eyes
Until her druid voiced a plan
Restoring Maeve's stern will again.
With fire danced her eyes once more.
Not only would she not be poor
But with the hamster she'd add in
The youthful head of Cuchulain!

Waiting on the borderline
for some response, for any sign,
Impatiently Cuchulain stood.
He knew this pause could mean no good.

Still boasts and threats he hurled their way
Remembering he'd just one day
To now set right what Maeve set wrong,
Destroying, if he must, her throng
To reach and free the beast of gold --
Only he could be so bold!

The sun continued on its climb,
Hours still before its prime,
But precious every moment passed
For one who's first day was his last.

"Come out or I am coming in!
My patience wears dang'rously thin!"

A moment's silence heav'ly hung
When suddenly from nowhere sung
The harmony of mighty wings
In answer to his challengings.

"What is this? She let him go?
This is not the Maeve I know!"
But when he looked in Bubba's eyes
The moment's hope within him dies,
For well he knew the hamster's gaze
As one held in a druid's haze.

"Blast Maeve to her evil core!
I cannnot fight the one I swore
To see safe back to Morrigan.
Blast that wench and all her kin!"

When Bubba barrelled down the field,
Cuchulain, ne'er one to yield,
Was thrown a mile 'cross the ground
Where he lay without a sound.

A moment passed, but nothing more.
He stood up, but not before
His battle frenzy took its hold --
A sight that turned most men's blood cold!
One eye bulged like ripened fruit.
The other sank back to its root.
His mouth gaped wide from ear to ear,
And from his cry men died of fear.
On their ends stood every hair;
On every tip a blood drop there
Amidst the fountain, bloody red,
That sprang forth from a top his head.
And round his form was seen to blaze
A sunny halo's golden rays.
Inside his skin he spun around,
This one they call the Ulster Hound!

His head thus filled with battle lust
He cast his mighty spear, but dust
Was all it tasted in its deed
For it could not match Bubba's speed.

They fell upon each other then,
Bubba and great Cuchulain,
But niether gained the upper hand
For no one could have better planned
A match between a rival pair,
More equal in the skills they share!

Furious was the onslaught
As on and on the pair they fought
Across the kingdom far and wide
And ravaged Connaght's countryside.

Thus they fought through out the day
Without a winner either way.
They bruised and bit without respite
Until the onset of twilight.
Then the sun began to dip,
Its light the sea began to sip.
Purple reds began to blend.
Cuchulain's time was at an end.

Maeve believed that she had won,
Cheering on the setting sun,
But then the sun paused in the sky
Refusing yet to further die.

Now Cuchulain was human, true,
But only half as much as you.
His mother, mortal may have been
But she was not his only kin.
The one who'd done the fathering
Was Lugh the warrior sun-god king!

'Twas his command the sun obeyed
That on its path, its journey stayed
To give Cuchulain ample strength
To end his task what e'r the length.

Continuing their combat, grave,
Infuriated good queen Maeve.
"Druid! Cast another spell
To sound Cuchulain's last death nell,
And like that blasted Cooley cow,
I want to see him dead right now!"

The druid shook, the druid moaned.
His tongue an ancient chant intoned,
And where his fingers pointed West
Out of the waves there rose a crest.
It grew and once its growth was done
It well eclipsed the stubborn sun
Beyond the new horizon's blight
As other stars announced the night.

Lugh, the sun god, was not pleased!
Foolish was the man who teased
The gods, be he bard, druid, king --
His life is not worth any thing.

Before Cuchulain's form could fade,
Lugh a sweeping gesture made
Which caused in Bubba's golden fur
A miracle there to occur:
From every hair shown forth a ray
Which lit the earth like it was day.

So Bubba, now a tiny sun
Held the day from being done,
Then by the dawn of his own light
His mind began to be set right
And clear away the druid's haze
Which kept the hamster in its craze.

He looked around and shook his coat.
A growl escaped the hamster's throat,
For memories of all that day
And everything that came to play
Returned in full to Bubba's mind.
Justice now he'd seek to find!

Normally the plan would be
Retaliation against he
Whose acts had harmed you most of all
And see to it that he would fall.
But yon upon a river bank
He spied a woman, dark and lank,
Who washed the blood from druid clothes
And instantly the knowledge rose
Within him that fair punishment
Was well assured and permanent
Without what input he might dare
So Bubba turned his gaze elsewhere.

He saw Cuchulain far below
And knew that he was not his foe
And that he'd best alleviate
Cuchulain's battle-frenzied state.

The hamster-star became a streak,
And squeaked a blood-curdling squeak
As like a comet down from space
He fell full in Cuchulain's face.

The warrior reeled and staggered round,
Nearly falling to the ground.
What hit him, still he knew not what.
Then Bubba bit him in the butt.

The fever that could not be cooled
But by three vats of water pooled,
And sobered blush of sighting thence
Young maidens' naked innocence,
Was quelled and loosed its mighty grip
From but a single hamster nip!

Relieved that Bubba was not dead
Cuchulain pet his glowing head,
Then shot a glare the druid's way:
"For what he's done I'll make him pay!"

So far this bit of poetry
Has been aimed at the family,
So I won't delve into great detail
On spears' tendencies to impale.
Suffice to say, when it was through
Bubba's omen had proved true.

Maeve again had been disgraced.
She saw her kingdom laid to waste,
Returning to her crumbled throne
With no blame there besides her own.

Thus, justice returned to them,
Bubba's light began to dim,
But before his form could fade
Cuchulain voiced this accolade:

"King of rodents true thee are
Oh shining little hamster star
With strength to match the Ulster Hound
You and I are brothers bound
And all the realms of Tir Na Nog
Shall ring with songs of hamster-glow!"

From sight he then began to slip.
A rare half-smile on his lip.

Once his light no longer shown,
Bubba found himself alone
And watched the gath'ring of the stars
As he nursed his battle scars.

Then a voice spoke next to him
Where stood a woman, dark and grim,
Who, though her eyes were fire-light,
Was undistinguished from the night:
"Golden one with wings of black
I will guide your journey back."

Though Bubba's surprise did not show,
Where once she stood there was a crow
Who hopped along a-beckoning.
Together thus the two took wing
Through skies Bubba had never flown
Until he spied a land well known
Which stretched in welcome far below.
But when he turned to thank the crow
She was gone in to thin air
As if she never had been there.

Could this all be done so soon?
He shrugged and squeaked another tune.
Adventure'd come where e'r he'd roam,
But for the moment he was home.

THE ROMANCE OF BUBBA

Spring had bloomed and hearts were ripe
With Love's enchanted fruit
And so the air smelled sweeter to
Dear Bubba's little snoot.

All the day the birds did sing
And woodland creatures played.
Everything was peaceful here
In Nature's grand parade.

But then a sound caught Bubba's ear
Discordant with the rest
Which made his heart beat just a little
Faster in his chest.

And so to seek this trouble,
This commotion to resolve,
He quickly flew, his task to do
What e'er it may involve.

Onto the source he sped his flight,
He had not long to search.
Once there, unseen, he landed on
A nearby leafy perch.

There before him lay a fox,
As red as red could be.
Though Bubba saw no scars on him,
He whined incessantly.

"M'lady, dear Elizabeth,"
The fox cried like a whelp,
"I'm in great pain, as you can see,
And really need your help!"

"The peasant man misunderstood
To find me with his hens.
I only meant to socialize,
They are my oldest friends!"

"A sliver bit me in the tail
As I escaped the barn,
I barely left there with my life.
Please trust this is no yarn."

"And now the shard of wood digs deep;
I fear it's struck a vein.
Would you please, with your strong white teeth
Extract from me this pain?"

Then Bubba saw a nose peek from
A nearby shadowed hole,
And from the burrow lilt a voice
That chimed within his soul.

"Reynard," The voice sang sweetly,
"You conniving, crafty fox!
What makes you think I'll trust you?
Is my head made out of rocks?"

"Still," she sighed, "I see your pain.
Of that you do speak true.
I know I may regret this
But for now I shall aid you."

"But only if your nose stays far
From where your tail now lies.
And keep your teeth within your mouth.
And close those shifty eyes!"

This agreed, she ventured out
Into the morning sun.
Bubba 'bout fell off his branch -
The world around him spun.

He never thought he'd see his kind,
In Wyewood of all places.
She must have been a transplant
From the European races.

Still here she was -such lovliness
That played his fair heartstrings.
He barely saw her handicap
(She hadn't any wings).

She carefully crept to the tail
And working silently
Took the sliver twixt her teeth
And quickly yanked it free.

Reynard now had another thought
As pain began to pale.
Before the hamster loosed her grip
He flicked his mighty tail.

Elizabeth sailed through the air
Toward a toothy grin,
But what Reynard saw next began
To make his head to spin.

Another hamster did he spy
A wing-ed golden blur
Who caught the maiden in mid-air
Yet ruffled not his fur.

Once Bubba saw his love aloft
And safely out of reach,
He turned his gaze upon the fox,
A lesson for to teach.

"I only tossed her in great joy!"
Reynard began to plead,
"I wished to give a gracious kiss
To thank her for her deed!"

These pleas fell on deaf ears for then
The mighty hamster dove.
The battle which ensued shook up
The whole, entire grove.

But still Bubba was kind,
Excessive harm he could not bear.
Reynard escaped alive and with
One third of his red hair.

And when the fox was out of sight
Bubba returned to her
To find their feelings mutual.
The pair began to purr.

So here it's best to end this tale
And leave them on their own
To do what little hamsters do
When hamsters are alone.

WYEWOOD SHIRE BLUES

(to the tune of "Folsom Prison Blues")

I see the hamsters comin'
They're flyin' through the sky
Some people seem to like them
I don't know why
I'm stuck in Wyewood Shire
My time here's just begun
I keep tryin' to tell them
Hamsters just ain't much fun.

The people all have hamsters
And the hamsters all have wings
I even saw a weevil
In cavalier things
I am a silly person
I love a laugh or two
But this shire's just plain crazy
I don't know what to do.

If they'd free me from this Shire
If I lived in Calontir
I'd move away from Wyewood
And out of AnTir
And away from silly people
Whose hamsters love to fly
If I have to stay much longer
I'll hang my head and cry.

GOLDEN HAMSTER YOU'RE THE ONE

(to the tune of "Rubber Duckie")

Golden hamster you're the one –
You make Wyewood so much fun.
Golden hamster I'm awfully fond of you!
(boo-boo-boop-bee-do!)

Golden hamster on the wing
You just make me want to sing
Golden hamster I'm awfully fond of you!

Everyday when I forget to play and I worry
I find I am beholdin' a hamster golden and furry!
(My eyes get all blurry!)

Golden hamster you're the one –
You make Wyewood so much fun.

Golden hamster I'm awfully fond of...

Golden hamster I'm awfully fond of...

Golden hamster I'm awfully fond of you!

BUBBA AND THE HOLY SNAIL

The day was bright as Bubba flew,
No cares upon his mind.
His only thought was adventure-
Whatever he may find.

His eyes were sharp, his ears perked,
And all his senses keen
As there above he scanned the Earth
And all the lands so green.

The sound of battle filled his ears,
A smile crossed his face.
He turned as from his tiny lungs
A hamster war-cry raced.

Gleefully he headed toward
The sound of sword and blade,
Then paused in flight to wonder at
The skirmish he surveyed.

The scene that he beheld was weird,
Even by Wyewood terms,
As a small clan of crows clashed with
A mighty band of worms.

A single roar from Bubba scattered
Crows like they were flies.
Those that looked were horror-struck
By Bubba's flaming eyes.

And when the glade was clear of birds
The hamster turned again
Upon those strangely garbed worms
Of unknown origin.

Over mail of chain each wore
A tabard, white and gold
Emblazoned upon which was a
Red spiral, bright and bold.

The leader worm began to speak
And then Bubba could tell
That these weren't normal worms at all
But snails without a shell.

In a sluggish voice the snail said,
"Thank you for your aid!
My noble sir would you consider
Joining our crusade?"

"Humble snails are we, dear sir,
Who've left our shells behind,
For in this vow of poverty
More treasure shall we find!"

"You see, the human's Lord hung high,
His blood caught by a grail.
A single drop splashed out and landed
On a passing snail."

"The heavens parted, angels sang,
Then came the hand of God
Descending from a cloud to bless
This lowly gastropod!"

"He traveled far and wide, this snail,
To teach the ways of love,
Ascending one fine morning into
Heaven up above."

"Nothing did he leave us here
Except his shell divine.
And that was stolen by a crow -
A heathen! For its shine!"

"So now you know what guides our quest
And leads us down these trails --
We seek the Relic of the One:
The Holy Snail of Snails!"

Beneath the hamster's smiling lips
There rose a purring sound.
He had sought adventure.
Now adventure he had found!

Joining forces, off they went.
Their progress was not slow,
With Bubba flying overhead -
Crusaders down below.

It wasn't long when Bubba saw
A strange, unearthly gleam
Reflecting from the bottom of
A bubbling woodland stream.

So there he rallied all the troops
And told them what he'd seen,
Then said that he'd investigate
To find what it might mean.

With that he dove into the brook
And headed for the light,
Just like a great and fuzzy bird
In his aquatic flight.

Once the bottom he had reached
His face lit with a grin
For there before him lay a shell
A-glowing from within.

At once he knew that this must be
The relic that he sought,
Where ancient beak of crow had dropped
And woodland stream had brought.

And so cautiously he reached out
And took the shell in paw,
Then turned to swim back up again
But balked at what he saw!

Overhead on shore some crows
Attacked the knighted snails!
Bubba's blood boiled in his veins!
He clenched his tiny nails.

The hamster in a might rush
Erupted from the stream!
Again the crows were scattered by
The sound of Bubba's scream!

But one crow, braver than the rest -
Or maybe more insane -
Saw what the hamster held in hand:
A bauble he must gain!

He spun around mid-flight and snatched
The magic, glowing shell.
Since Bubba loosened not his grip
He picked him up as well!

Into the sky, the pair, they flew -
A furry, feathered mass.
And thus through many moments did
This nasty brawling pass.

Neither one relinquished hold
Upon that precious shell,
'Til suddenly it heated up,
They dropped it and it fell!

The snails below watched in dismay
Afraid it would be smashed.
But then the sound of thunder boomed!
A bolt of lightening flashed!

The shell's decent abruptly ceased,
Then from its lucent curve
Emerged the head and antennae
Of Him whom all snails serve.

The crow remembered it could fly
And sped away post-haste.
The snails lay prostrate on the ground.
Bubba remained in place.

Love divine did glimmer in
That snail's antennaed eyes.
Then in a soft, angelic voice
He bid them all, "Arise!"

"Rewards are great for those whose faith
Does lead them long and well,
Thus for your trust your descendants
Will never need a shell."

"Now know ye well that I abide
In every one of you!
To help all to remember this
I'll tell you what I'll do!

"Upon you and your children
A fine blessing I bestow:
The silver essence of my shell
Shall follow where you go!"

"So when you see this sign you know
The answer to your prayer -
You needn't search for me at all
For I'm already there!"

He beamed a final smile at
The hamster and the snails
Then with a wink he vanished
As he bid them 'happy trails'.

That day they build a chapel there
And put their swords away.
Their people spread across An Tir
And live here to this day.

And still if followed far enough
A slug's long silver trail
Will lead you to that secret place:
The Chapel of the Snail!

As for Bubba, he returned
Back to the Wyewood sky
Prepared to answer once again
A new adventure's cry.

CATCH A FLYING HAMSTER

(to the tune of "Catch a Falling Star")

Catch a flying hamster, feed it from your hand
Give shelter on a rainy day.
Catch a flying hamster, feed it from your hand
And it will never fly away.

And it will come to sit upon your shoulder,
And be your friend.
And as it grows to be a little older,
It will protect you to the end.

---

HAMSTER EYES

(to the tune of "Edelweiss")

Hamster eyes, hamster eyes
Look at me without blinking
Soft and round, not a sound
Tell me what your are thinking
Furry gold hamster with bat-like wings
Bat-like wings for flying
Hamster eyes, hamster eyes
Into you I am sinking

---

BUBBA OF THE ROUND

Strong were men and sharp were wits
When Arthur was the King of Brits;
And so the stories still abound
Of Merlin and the Knights of Round.

But one tale fails to e'er be told
So if I may to be so bold
As here to speak what lips won't tell
But those that in fair Wyewood dwell.

It all began late in the day
As Merlin walked amidst the hay
Of Camelot's abundant fields -
The bounty that a peace-time yields.

He mused about some wizard prose
When suddenly within his nose
Some pollen there began attacks
Which stopped the wizard in his tracks.

Nearly falling to his knees
He could not hold so grand a sneeze
And there was nothing he could do
But issue forth a great KA-CHOO!

Now with magic ones wise and old
Dangers arise with every cold,
For every cough, or belch, or wheeze,
Can freeze the skies or burn the seas.

So with a sigh - relief was sweet -
The Earth was still beneath his feet!
But when his eyes he opened round
Sitting there upon the ground
A golden hamster silent glared
Through eyes of pitch with long teeth bared
And outspread wings as black as night
Were threatening a hellish flight.

An impish glint lit Merlin's eye,
"Oh Beast! With you I'd love to fly!
But no," replied the wise old sage,
"You must return to your own age".

His lips invoked an ancient spell.
His fingers rose, his fingers fell.
But just before the magic caught
A cry rang out from Camelot!

"I forgot again", he murmured, "Blast!
These mortals' future is my past.
Events for me are dead and done
Which now for them have just begun!"

He turned and to the hamster spoke,
But not in voice of common folk
And then the hamster's glaring ceased
For Merlin spoke the tongue of beasts.

They took off like a lightening crack
With Merlin on the hamsters back
And arrow-like, the pair they flew,
Until the castle was in view.

Nearby they came to Earth again
Then joined the gaze of Arthur's men
Where on a tower's spire high
A massive dragon filled the sky
Who, long of teeth and sharp of nails,
Held Guinevere amongst his scales.

"Oh Merlin!" Arthur turned toward him,
"We're helpless at this dragon's whim!
How are we to turn the tide,
When nothing pierces dragon hide?"

"Arthur," Merlin softly purred,
"Recall you not a single word
Of all I taught on peace and war?
Of life and all and dragon lore?"

The King, now student, deeply thought.
A lesson past to mind he brought.

"Oh yes!" cried Arthur, "there's the skin
Much softer 'neath the dragon's chin!
It's still to tough for archer's bow -
A sword must make the final blow!"

He looked up at the dragon rank
And once again his spirits sank.
For even if the distance closed
His target remained unexposed.
He'd gladly give his royal coat
To simply reach that serpents throat!

Nearby the hamster sat in place
Observing close the monarch's face
And though the words did not get through
Quite clear he knew what he would do.

And so without a second thought
He took wing over Camelot.
And through sulfuric acrid breath
He flew toward hell and jaws of death!

Now Merlin read the hamster's mind,
A smile on his lips inclined.

"Unsheathe Excaliber my king
For dragon's blood it will make sing!
And cast it forth with all your might -
My magic shall ensure its flight!"

So Arthur did as he was told
And flung the sword of legends old.
On unseen wings of light it flew,
It's path made straight, and clear and true
Lit golden red by sunset's light,
Led on its way by hamster flight.

The hamster then began to race
About the dragon's bearded face,
And round the horns and neck, and mane.
The worm's patience began to wane.

A puff of flame would surely bring
An end to this small pesky thing!
And so to burn our hamster dead,
The dragon raised its monstrous head.

Before he could unleash his flame
A spasm shook the dragon's frame
As on the ramparts his blood spilt,
Excaliber sank to its hilt.

The dragon voiced a final roar
Before his heart would beat no more,
Then rising to his awesome girth
The dragon fell, quite dead, to Earth.
On impact rose so dark a cloud
The dragon's form it did enshroud.

Witnessing the flame and smoke
No single tongue the silence broke
For every man held fast his cheer -
None knew the fate of Guinevere.

As time stretched on, the night grew dark
Extinguishing hope's final spark
When suddenly a sound they heard
Like flapping of a mighty bird,
Then through a parting in the flame
Out of the cloud a figure came;
The hamster of the golden sheen
Who bore in paw their Lady Queen!

Unbounded joy erupted high
As countless voices filled the sky
And shook the Earth and lit the night
For King and Queen who reunite!

Although the crowd around had grown
With hearts rejoined they seemed alone
And thus some time was theirs to share
Until their lips could no more bear.

Then holding still his Lady's hand
The King looked at the hamster grand,
"My noble beast, I'm in your debt!
A braver soul I have not met!
And for this battle you have fought -
Arise Sir Knight of Camelot!"

The crowd let loose a rousing cheer
Then with a kiss from Guinevere
The hamster joined his wizard friend
Who, nodding, cast a spell to send
Him flying back to his own lair,
Back home again to Wyewood fair.

So now you've heard the story true
But what might not occur to you
Is why among the nobles there
Sat always free, an empty chair.
Reserved, it was the hamster's seat
To make the table round complete.

BUBBA HOOD

The Wyewood lands were safe once more, 'neath Bubba's watchful eye
So toward another fair, green wood He set his wings to fly.
A friend he knew to live amid the greenwood trees and thorn
Whom he'd met on his way home from where he had been born.

Their paths did part but where they led, His friend had found his fame.
Thief or hero, he was known As Robin Hood by name.
Bubba waxed nostalgic as the land passed far below
And so his ears did not pick up the twanging of a bow.

From the tree top greenery an arrow bursting sped.
Bubba spun to miss it but It grazed him 'cross the head.
Unconscious now our Bubba dear fell plummeting toward Earth,
Never more to feel the joy of bounding hamster mirth.

But other eyes had seen this act and rising to the call
Swung nimbly to a mossy branch and broke the hamster's fall.
Then the shadowed figure faded back from whence it came,
Depriving some young archer of the bounty of his game.

This the arrow's owner saw with hatred in his eyes,
And swore revenge upon this man who stole from him his prize.
Bubba regained consciousness within a bower green
And there above him stood his friend so strong, and tall and lean.

"Bubba friend!" Laughed Robin Hood, "It's grand of you to call!
Your wings I thought for flying were, I've never seen you fall!"
"Come now lad", said Robin taking Bubba by the hand,
"You look to need some food and drink, we'll join my merry band!"

Off they went and presently they came upon a glen
Where all around, in shades of green, stood Robin's stalwart men.

But for a merry troupe there was no laughter in the air,
And instantly good Robin knew that someone was not there.

"Little John, where's Marion?" Johnreplied, "that cur
The Sheriff, like a banshee came and road away with her!"

"We could not shoot our bows because he used her as a shield.
He said that if you want her back, the rodent you must yield!"

The two looked at each other then, the hamster and the hood.
Then as one accord they broke and raced into the wood.

Up ahead the Sherriff rode, a sneer upon his face,
For all his plans of many years were falling into place.
This woman who clung to him now for sake of life and limb,
He had no doubt once swayed would make a loving wife for him.

Then the outlaw Robin Hood - that thorn within his side!
He'd string him up, and quarter him, and burn his worthless hide!
And from the rodent's golden fur he'd craft a nifty hat,
And offer it to the good Prince John to mend a recent spat.

And thus he galloped on, these plans a playing in his mind
Knowing well that Robin Hood would not be far behind.
When Robin came at last to where The Sherriff's manor stood,
He waited not before he boldly stepped out of the wood!

In a turret window high he spied his ladylove
And wished to God he had the wings to fly there like a dove.
"Come Lord Sherriff! You and I, we have a deal to make!
Release the maiden Marion! The beast is yours to take!"

With that dear Robin laid a golden bundle at the gate.
The Sherriff smiled with glee to see the hamster's mournful fate.
"Come good sir, your lady waits", the Sherriff calling said.
Then 'neath his breath he muttered, "One More step and you are dead!"

"It's a trap!" Cried Marion. Her warning came too late.
The Sherriff's men grabbed Robin as he passed within the gate.
Jolly Robin laughed at this. "My lord, thank you indeed!
But I can see my lady plain. An escort I do not need!"

"Take him to the tower now to bid his love farewell.
For soon, through all eternity, His soul will burn in hell!"
Marion rushed to him when they pushed him through the door.
She softly wept, their fates assured, Her heart already sore.

Robin hushed her with a kiss. She knew that boyish gleam.
She should have known her Robin would not come without some scheme.
"Trust me love", he whispered low. She nodded, "At thy will".
He picked her up and with a shout, Leapt from the windowsill.

"Now my friend! I aim to live to make this maid my wife!"
The golden bundle at the gate sprang suddenly to life.
Wings spread wide and head tucked low the hamster took to flight.
He plucked the couple from the air then on the ground did light.

The Sherriff went into a rage and shouted, "Kill them all!"
Before his men could move an inch they heard a lone horn's call.
All within the wood stood still when Robin's horn did blow.
One hundred men stepped from the trees, Each one with bended bow.

Jolly Robin laughed once more and reverenced his host.
"It seems, good Sherriff, I have won, Though I'm not one to boast".
"I thank you for the game but by your leave I shall depart.
I think it best to end this with No arrow through your heart".

Robin knelt beside his friend and stroked his golden fur.
Bubba smiling up at him began to softly purr.
Then Robin stood, Lord of the Wood, and raised a single hand.
When silence fell upon them he addressed his merry band.

"This is not the first time I've been saved by this fine beast.
Let us return to camp and there reward him with a feast!"
And feast they did, and revelled long within their hidden glen,
So 'twas a rounder hamster who flew slowly home again.

GOLD HAMSTERS IN THE SKY

(to the tune of "Ghost Riders in the Sky")

An old Templar went riding out one dark and windy day.
Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way.
When all at once a mighty herd of gold hamsters he saw
Flying through the ragged skies and up a cloudy draw.

Their teeth were white and shiny and their claws were made of steel.
Their wings were black and leathery, their hot breath he could feel.
A bolt of fear went through him as he felt each wing beat fall
For he saw the one behind the herd - the Father of them all!

Wyewood - wye-yay! Wyewood - wye-yo!
Gold hamsters in the sky!

His eyes were red, his claws were sharp, his wings were broad and strong.
His fur was gold-spun starlight and his teeth were sleek and long.
He flies forever onward with his children on the wing,
Protecting all of Wyewood lands from every evil thing.

Wyewood - wye-yay! Wyewood - wye-yo!
Gold hamsters in the sky!

As the hamster flew on by him, he saw it look his way.
If you want to stay alive, Sir Knight, then this is what I say:
Your chivalry and honor will help to keep you whole,
Or else in Wyewood shire, Sir, the hamsters eat your soul!

Wyewood - wye-yay! Wyewood - wye-yo!

Gold hamsters in the sky! Gold hamsters in the sky! Gold hamsters in the sky!...

THOR'S MIGHTY HAMSTER

There was a time, the gods were young,
Their songs of glory not yet sung,
When not much more than trolls and elves
They split the world between themselves.

And each one claimed what he could bear -
A god of sea, a god of air -
With each equipped for what he swore.
All, that is, but mighty Thor.

"The strongest of the gods I be!"
Cried Thor whose roar shook every tree,
"So falls to me our lands' defense
Against the giants' worst intents!
To help me carry out this deed,
A mighty hammer's what I need!"

At this same time three more were born,
The lady Fates known as the Norn,
Who sat about their magic well
Where past, present and future fell
Across the water's crystal glow-
There was nothing they didn't know.

And so it was, Skulda the Norn,
Who knows of those yet to be born,
Heard nigh the words uttered by Thor
On whom a loving crush she bore.

It was this love she sought to quell
By reaching deep within the well
And thus her hand through time it flew
Until fair Wyewood came to view.

Now know ye well she was newborn,
Her ears not cleared from her first morn.
So when she came to Thor at last
He looked at her quite flabbergast.

"Dear Thor I answer here your call:
The greatest hamster of them all!"

And there in Skulda's open hands
Our mighty hamster, Bubba, Stands
To look the god square in the eye -
A look that would make others die!

As these three stood thus still engaged
Another burst upon the stage,
For secretly, nearby, watching
Had been great Thrym, the Giant King,
Who just that day had lost his pet
And so became quickly upset
To think that Thor had such a beast -
He did not like it in the least!

He rushed upon them unaware
And, catching Thor up by the hair,
He turned to clutch the hamster male
To find it was to no avail.

Spreading wing, the hamster sped
Around about the giant's head
Then, diving for a final pass,
He bit the giant in the elbow.

In pain the giant screamed and fell
Releasing god and Norn as well.
Then Thor took up great Thrym in hand
And cast him back to giant land.
Then gazing at Bubba he spoke,
The thunder god's voice reawoke:

"Oh beast of gold, mighty of wing!
In honor of your strength I sing!
The giants - we could slay them all
If you could stay in Asgard's Hall!
But nay, you do belong not here.
Back home you need to reappear!
But know: if ever you've returned,
A place amongst the gods you've earned!"

With that Thor turned and took his leave
While Bubba rode on Skulda's sleeve
Returning to the magic pool
And slipping 'neath the waters cool,
She set him in a Wyewood glen
And so came Bubba home again.

BUBBA'S TAIL

In parchments torn and memories old
Lie tales of knights and heroes bold,
Of treasures deep in dragon hordes,
Of battles great with flashing swords,
But none so strange as those now told
Of one with wings, and fur of gold;
Who from the lands of heathen sway
Makes home in Wyewood to this day.

So hearken ye with ears to hear
Lest timid hearts be turned toward fear,
For though 'tis not without its sins,
It is with love our tale begins...

No truer love could surer be
Than beat within that hamster she,
Who in each evening quiet sat,
Her company a noble bat.
Amid the elderberry vine
They consummated love divine;
Where life passed on its blessed cup
For soon 'twas born a furry pup.
Of hamster build his form was true,
Yet with two wings of darkened hue.

And though should end our story well,
Our Lord decreed there's more to tell.
For good Sir Richard, king to thee,
He sent to sail across the sea,
To wrest from hands of Saracen
The lands once walked by holy men.

Now, though the cause divine and true,
War has its debt and calls it due,
For when heralds the battle horn
Many are the orphans born.
And so it was this family three -
One left alive and he, barely;
Caught in the midst of horse and mail
That swept across their tiny dale.
And there beneath the battle cry
The tiny hamster silent lie.

And so our tale could once more end
If not for one, another friend.
For soon the din of war had passed,
Crusaders stood victors at last,
Then walking back across the sand
Came Gordon Redthorn, squire of Brand.

He stopped and knelt for he had seen
A fluttering amongst the green
And reaching in to vine and grass,
Pulled forth the hamster with a gasp!
Relieved that he was not yet dead,
He swore an oath: "By Richard's head,
The cost of war has been too high!
I shall not let another die!"

And so the babe he gathered in,
And stroked the hamster 'neath the chin.
So From that day he nursed him well
Through desert heat and ocean swell;
And kept him safe for journey's home
To fair green Wyewood's leafy dome.